I went to a meeting last night and the topic of the “Just For Today” was gratitude. I absolutely love this topic, because, I am constantly walking around looking up, and saying, “Thank you God!”
My life in recovery has been an honest gift. I had such a plan, when I got out of rehab and reintegrated into society. I was so sure that if my life just worked out exactly the way I wanted it to, that I would be happy. My friend got me a t-shirt which said, “God is watching you. May as well make Him laugh” – I think thats exactly what I did making these extravagant plans for my life and the way that I thought it should be. Hahaha I was way off!!!
When I got to Australia, I thought I was going to become a professional showjumper and get married to my girlfriend. Neither one of those things happened and I don’t think I have ever been as happy as I am now… Ever! The idea of the plan, to me, was so exciting, that I simply overlooked the fact that I would phone my mom in tears at least twice a week. I cried myself to sleep many nights. Jumping in front of a moving train seemed like a possible option, many times, and I was getting hugely exploited by some really narcissistic bosses. – Ignorance is bliss. I really had no idea I was unhappy.
A number of things changed, in rapid succession. I found a plethora of different fellowships. An incredible therapist and a job that I had absolutely no idea that I would ever enjoy. I went from being an exploited, aspiring showjumper working 55-65 hour weeks, living so deep in the country, there’s a change in temperature. To being a student, who works as a youth support worker for 20 hours a week, lives in an amazing house in town (with 2 girls – which I never thought I’d do), giving a few pilates classes here and there.
So just a little background: I love to cook. I have been cooking since I was 12 and I used to love catering for parties, for my friends and making a full hangover continental breakfast. Feeding people, feeds my soul! I also love exercise, though I may not always feel motivated to do it. I do try as often as possible, for my own sanity.
Tonight, I am working. I got here earlier and took my client to gym after playing a card game with her and the case manager. We did some interval training on the treadmill and did a pilates class together. After that we walked home and stopped off at the supermarket on the way. Tonight’s recipe was stir fried vegetable and chargrilled honey and spring onion pork cutlets… Together we prepared the dish. It turned out amazing! We ate dinner together and had a great laugh and here I am rounding off the shift, by lying in bed doing another one of my favourite things and that is writing this blog.
I just can’t believe I get paid to do this. Tonight (and every other night), I am truly grateful. God has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams, but more importantly. God has given me a life worth staying sober for.