A bit of a strange day today. Firstly I couldn’t pry myself out of bed to do volunteer work. I was dealing with day 2 of coffee withdrawal and it simply overwhelmed me. My housemates words,”You should try cut down slowly, it’s a lot more loving towards yourself.” really resonated with me and I made a valiant attempt to reverse the withdrawal, by having 2 cups, it was a little late for that, but I feel like I handled life a little better after. The headache was still there, but it was more manageable.
I went to work (2nd last day – if not the last, because I really don’t think it is loving at all to force myself to go to a job that just really no longer serves me – all I am doing with it is living up to my underearning potential) – Then binge eating afterwards, because I need to fill the empty space inside with m&m hazelnut chocolate slabs, which has my face broken out into spots, like some hormonal teenager. So I used this opportunity to get in touch with my teenage roots and as I lie here typing this, I have toothpaste on my face hahaha… Maybe if I “Act as If”, it will work (I might just pray and see what happens, just to really freak myself out)
I pulled over at the fuel station to buy my chocolate and I bumped into my drug program sponsor… She pops up in the most random places, it is so weird. I think we are connected on some soul level, because in the whole of Melbourne, I have never bumped into anyone, but I have bumped into her 4 times now in random places… No need to call, she’ll just pop up when I need her 🙂 – Funny one God!
I got home from my the job that drains the life force out of me and decided to go for a run, because after driving, wolfing down chocolate and having fantasies about dancing with women at parties and being able to moon walk and sweep girls off their feet. I thought it was best to do some exercise to get myself back into my body and burn off that darn m&m slab. – I was definitely trying to escape my reality on the drive home. It would be self harm to go back to that job. I am thoroughly convinced. Last week it was Macca’s and a slab on the way home, the rest of the week diet is no problem for me.
I did a 3km walk and a 3km run and when I got home my housemate invited me to yoga. With time to kill before a meeting. I thought, “why not?”… This is a huge step for me, because I am a hider and doing things like this with people I know would mean I allow them to see me and yoga is much like the zumba thing for me. I give 150% effort, I try everything that the beautiful swan of an instructor is doing in front of me. While gracefully resembling a goose with a few physical ailments and crooked neck. Fully aware, that I just don’t move that way. The class was amazing none the less and I enjoyed every minute of it. I’m a big fan and will certainly be going back!
I dashed off after the yoga class to a meeting for the money fellowship. I agreed to open the meeting, because the fellowship here is so small. The only other person was a friend of mine at her first meeting. It was pretty freaking hilarious having a 2 woman meeting between friends. Trying to stay focused and serious, following a meeting format, but neither one of us really knew what we were doing. One of the tools – “Do not debt, one day at a time” – she asked me, what about a mortgage? Hahaha, I don’t know, I just work here… So new to the program, I just passed her onto the place where I found my resources.
The meeting was great though anyway and the I got home to my housemate making some sweet music with another member… Thank God for the turn around.