Building Esteem

So AMAZING night!!! Interesting day too… I was up at 4:45am and got home at 7:30pm – so it was a bit of a killer and I am so grateful I only really have to do 2 days of that for 2 weeks. I woke up this morning excited and made my way to do some volunteer work at RDA (Esteemable act 1) – The work wasn’t with clients this morning, but I got to work three lovely horses and had a load of fun doing it. I find that work quite creative. Later I drove to the actual paid work and my energy was totally sucked out of me. Talk about something not serving me.

After an incredibly nurturing call with my action partner. I went for lunch at “il caffé” in Woodend and you could just taste that the food was made with love. This rejuvenated my soul a little, which was really necessary. I went into the estate agents office to get the lease signed into my old housemates name, as I have moved already and forgot to organise the paperwork earlier – whoops! The woman working at the desk saw me in my riding gear and asked me about it. We got into a bit of chit chat and it turns out I know her husband – I started telling her my plans and dreams to do Equine Assisted Therapy and I got such a warm response. It just sparked my passion up again, which put me in a great space to go to the job that is draining my life – so thanks for that one God!

When I got to work and I interacted with my boss for a while, the penny dropped. The reason I hate the job so much, is because she does it for image and not for love. She is pushing through two sprained ankles, just so she can hunt on the weekend, but her body gave up half way through the first ride. She takes her pain and frustration out on the horses and it just doesn’t sit well with me. I said a prayer for her and I just tried to let it go. Something really relevant came into my consciousness thanks  to the awful experience and that is that I can now understand why my core belief around money is so distorted.

Since I was young, being in the riding world, I have always been exposed to very pretentious people. Money means everything to them and defines their self image. I resented this, in my stand for authenticity, but more so for the rights of the animals they so easily abused, just to get that 1st prize rosette. I was ranked highly on the junior circuit in South Africa and my friend said to me if I wanted to get into the provincial team, all I had to do was make friends with the right people. I thought this was ludicrous, because how could I make friends with people I didn’t like and what ever happened to getting onto a team, because you are good? I rejected the system then and I reject it today, because no matter how much money you have, it doesn’t give you the right to treat an animal poorly.

My view: “Rich people – Pretentious, nasty, cruel to animals, will do anything to get ahead and don’t care about anybody but themselves” – No wonder I reject money and the idea of being rich!!! – I don’t want to be like that! So back to possession consciousness – let go of the people that don’t serve me (or my core belief in this instant) to make room for a new energy, My money sponsor and my love sponsor are those wealthy women, who give back. They give through service to other and work toward empowering women and helping them to recover. I listen to them and I am in awe. It is amazing how humble they are and yet so wealthy. The people I do the volunteer work for have amazing energy and love for the horses and the woman who signed me up has so much money, but you could never tell, she is just so humble.

Getting rid of the people who don’t bring the light out in me, is an exercise I refuse to engage in. I deserve better and if I am going to change my beliefs about things and behaviour around love and money, I am going to make dam sure that I surround myself with people who can show me how it’s done in a kind, loving and gentle way.

I got home after the crazy day. I came off a pony at work and hit the ground quite hard. I stopped at the shop on the way and got some really nice muscle soak, pumped to try out my new bath. It was incredible! My housemate, seeing me after bath stoned, decided she wanted to try one. She hadn’t bathed in 15 year. I suggested candle, so she found some and the moment that really made my night was walking up to the bathroom while she was running the bath and seeing the HUGE smile on her face after testing the candles with the light off… She looked so blissfully happy! I giggled about it a few times after and I am writing this with a big smile on my face – I feel like I enriched her life (esteemable act 2) – Grateful! So so so grateful!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s