I need to express my gratitude today. The women in my life are absolutely incredible. I am blessed, I feel supported and I’m not alone. I wrote, in a previous post, about possession consciousness and about light energy and choosing to only engage with those who bring my light energy to the surface. This has been a profound shift and for a week and a half I have really been able to stand in my power as a result of.
It is through doing many programs where I have had the privilege of finding some of the most amazing strength in recovery. In the relationship fellowship my first sponsor was 15 years clean, my second sponsor 15 years sober and my current sponsor has 4 years up, but she is just a shinning light in recovery – she embodies everything I would like to be. She is vibrant, courageous, surrounded by strength and lives recovery… Not to mention so nurturing and I believe connected with me on some kind of soul level. I have made outreach calls with some women, who just continue to support and inspire me. I have an action buddy, who I speak to daily, who has time up in a number of different areas and she just keeps me on track. Then to top it all off, this morning I spoke to my sponsor in the money fellowship. She has been sober for 15 years, has years up in the relationship fellowship. She has been in the financial fellowship for years and she just oozes wisdom. She is connected and flying at the moment and just pure joy to listen to.
I am blessed! God’s gentle hand, is holding me and cradling my spirit with the love and the nurture I am currently experiencing. Life is a gift and these women have been the givers… I must be doing something right to be surrounded by such awesomeness!
I had a crazy, intense therapy session on Friday… I have to actually share this, because I can’t resist. We do this thing called Brain Spotting – David Grand, which is the most profound thing I have ever done! It is a method of accessing parts of the brain that you can’t access consciously and that no amount of talk therapy can get to. Unlocking the trauma and allowing the body to heal itself – anyway I am sure the video gives a much better explanation than I do. My therapist gets out her pointer, gets me to put on some head phones and has eye glasses ready to block out either the left or right eye when necessary. Now I have engaged in this procedure a few times with her, but this time it was slightly different. I had never seen the eye glasses before, so I just assumed the change in music was normal.
I put on the head phones and I was trying to adjust the volume to ensure I could hear her voice over it. She readied the pointer and I felt overwhelmingly excited, sexually speaking – even writing about it now is sending my heart racing off a hundred miles an hour. I tried to gather myself, but the vocals were so seductive, I felt like they were swallowing me. It was the lazy sounding, seductive torch song voice of Hope Sandoval, paired with a low bass waver, slow erratic drums, an organ low and random static feedback- I love the alanbumstead description of – Mazzy Star’s “Mary of Silence”. Already struggling to fight back the sexualisation of my therapist on the best of occasions. I was now looking at her, while listening to one of the sexiest songs I have heard, with lyrics like, “I thought of myself beside you. Take me into your skin” – hahaha oh Lordy Lord!
Unable to contain myself, I blurted out how triggered I felt by the music and when I handed her the headphones, a blush and then laughter… Somehow I had tapped into her personal music collection and instead of listening to the sound of nature and running water and random happy music, which you would imagine hearing as background music to the Sims, when the scene depicts the perfect life – here I was listening to a song sung in minor, haunting and sultry – WHAAAAA!!!! – She was extremely apologetic, but it was actually too funny to even call it a mistake. I don’t know when last I have laughed so hard and continued to giggle about it for a few days after.
The blessing in all of this, is that we could really pinpoint how auditory I really am and I guess it really opens a whole new chapter in this book of self discovery.