Therapist or Horticulturist?

My therapist is really the biggest gift in my recovery! My analytical brain tries to pick apart her method, because it is so darn effective!!! I am sad to say, I can’t work it out, despite my best efforts.

In recovery, having the opportunity to be sponsored and to sponsor women, I see the effectiveness of sharing my experience so that others gain perspective. My sponsor does the same for me. My sponsors listen to me and I listen to my sponsees… Thats all it’s really about. I know as an addict, the moment someone tells me what to do I shut off. I have experienced women shutting off to me when my control defect comes into to play and I start barking out “suggestions” – haha!

What I can’t wrap my head around is, if she is not bringing the conversation back to program, not giving away any of her own experiences and not only listening…. HOW does she inspire such action??? She is an enigma. She has given me a few videos to watch and a few books to read, asked me to write 4 letters and that is all since February… What I have done though is:

Written out my dreams and the running themes I have seen in them
Done a timeline
Drew up a loss graph
Drawn 8 different ego states
Done exercises in the book
Written up an earning history
Collected images for my vision board
Written up a relationship history

Thats all without her even asking. Another thing is I go into my sessions and she either breaks me, where I walk out like a wounded animal OR we have a really nice chat, I ask her loads of questions, we laugh a lot. I feel like I leave and nothing deep has even been touched on. I go about my business as usual and when I wake up in the morning and open my front door… All of a sudden there is a tree there that I have never seen before. Excuse the figure of speech, but I really know no other way of describing this phenomenon of awareness that is so profound, that it literally smacks me in the face. Unexpectedly I see something that I have never seen before, or something has just grown over night.

She is changing the landscape of my life… At first I am so taken aback and almost a little afraid of the unfamiliarity, but after I manage to move through that fear (creatively I might add, because the once flat plateau of my being, is now dotted with trees and rocks and I am having to navigate more consciously – goodbye auto pilot) – I am gifted with a beauty and perspective

My soul is flourishing and my exploring spirit is no longer blind – I cultivate a beautiful garden at the core of my being. I get to go and sit there sometimes, fully present and truly blessed.

P1000257

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