The Colour Purple

So why the colour purple?
“The color purple is often associated with royalty, nobility, luxury, power, and ambition. Purple also represents meanings of wealth, extravagance, creativity, wisdom, dignity, grandeur, devotion, peace, pride, mystery, independence, and magic.” – Now, I wish this quote from www.bourncreative.com/meaning-of-the-color-purple/ was the reason for my colour choice, but my explanation is slightly less graceful.

Purple is not my favourite colour. “The color purple” – A Steven Spielberg film, is one of my all time favourite movies though. That may be, because it has Whoopi Goldberg in it and she is my favourite actress. In this movie she plays a different character to her usual comedy roles, which I absolutely love, but that is not the reason for my choice.

I chose the colour purple for my unicorn onesie, simply to represent that I am totally deprived sexually and when I was young, I learnt that the colour purple represents sexual frustration. <— That me!!! And has been for 5 months now (157.64 days to be exact)

After my 18 month journey into sobriety from alcohol and other drugs, I was left feeling alone and defeated. 6 months out of the relationship that I had come into recovery with, I felt suicidal. As a last resort I stumbled into a new support group with the Gift of Desperation… Here is where I found my home. After a very slippery start and an overwhelming amount of pain (recurring – in true ‘insanity of the disease’ fashion), I realised that complete abstinence, although really difficult, gets much better with time and the energy I normally expend pursuing partners and obsessing about them, is really beneficial to building the life that I love and writing a blog 😉

That all sounds really positive, but if I were to be 100% honest, the first 45 days I felt like I needed to be put in a straitjacket and locked away in a place only men had access to. (I am a gay woman, just to put things in context) – After bumping my head a few times , slipping up and loosing my sobriety I had to put a new bottom line in place; “No coffee with women I don’t already know” – This may seem harmless to most normal people, but for me I go for coffee with a woman on Saturday and on Monday afternoon we haven’t left each other’s side and have done everything but drinking bloody coffee.

No sex, no sexual fantasies and no sex with self!?! – I think I can finally comprehend the feeling of ‘blue balls’ – This is so dam hard, but I am sticking it out one day at a time. I have committed to a year and I am almost half way there. The gifts are incredible! Worth giving up sex?… Hahaha, no comment. But I do have a purple unicorn onesie to show for it 🙂

the colour purple

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